


Coconut Kisses

by thekeyholder



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, I Don't Even Know, Kissing, M/M, Oswald being a little shit, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 07:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10239143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekeyholder/pseuds/thekeyholder
Summary: Jim is obsessed with pineapple coconut yogurt, but unfortunately, someone buys the whole stock. What happens when Jim finds out this person is none other than Oswald?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm blaming skeleton_twins for this story, so any complaints should go to her. :)) (I do hope you enjoy it, though!)
> 
> As always, many thanks to my fabulous beta, Nekomata58919!

 

Jim doesn’t really like grocery shopping ‒ he considers it boring and a waste of time. Every other day he goes to the small convenience store on the corner of his street to get a few items. Since he spends most of his days at the GCPD, he usually grabs breakfast and lunch in the area, and orders takeout for dinner when he’s actually at home and not working on some case.

 

Lately, however, he finds that he’s looking forward to his shopping trips, and that is all thanks to the most amazing product he found, namely a pineapple coconut yogurt. It’s creamy and fruity, and makes Jim think of a beach holiday. It’s sad that the only kind of exotic holiday he can get is the artificial euphoria provoked by a yogurt, but he’ll take it.

 

However, when he’s at the small dairy section, Jim can’t find his favourite yogurt. He looks everywhere, maybe someone hid them behind the cheese, but there’s no sign of what he’s looking for. Frustrated, he calls out to the owner: “Hey, Marco, are you out of that pineapple coconut yogurt?”

 

“Yeah, we didn’t get any this week. Sorry.”

 

Unfortunately, this is not a temporary problem, and it is not restricted to Marco’s shop only either: Jim cannot find the damn yogurt in any other store. He tries it in various neighbourhoods, from small corner shops to big supermarkets, but with no luck. Finally, when Jim gets desperate, he shows the badge to one of the managers of a supermarket, saying that he needs the information for an investigation.

 

“It looks like our entire supply was sent to one customer. But I don’t know to whom,” the woman adds, looking at Jim with open judgement.

 

Jim has a terrible hunch about whom could afford to buy an entire stock of pineapple coconut yogurt, but he brushes aside his silly thoughts.

 

So the detective has to let go. It’s very difficult; he thinks about the fucking yogurt even when he’s supposed to solve cases. Jim even tries buying other brands, but none of them are quite like his favourite. The problem is that once Jim gets used to something or someone, he becomes very attached, and he has a hard time getting over it.

 

He goes to work in low spirits, Harvey and his other colleagues give him a wide berth, not willing to put up with his ridiculous mood swings. Nevertheless, Jim promises himself to find the yogurt thief, and get his revenge.

 

Then one late afternoon, the GCPD gets a call about mysterious noises in Cobblepot’s manor. It’s been a rather dull day, so Jim volunteers to go there and check what this is about. Harvey wants to join in, but Jim tells him to go home, and enjoy his evening. Harvey thanks him, promises to buy Jim breakfast the next day.

 

Oswald’s eyes light up when he opens the door. “Jim! I didn’t expect you to come.”

 

“So, what’s the problem?” Jim asks as he enters the mansion; he doesn’t have time or the nerves for niceties.

 

“Well, there have been suspicious noises.” Oswald gives him the whole story while they first check the grounds around the building, then go inside when they can’t find anything.

 

“Let me take you to the library where I first heard this weird creaking sound,” Oswald says as he’s limping down a hall, Jim following reluctantly, his gut telling him that this is all a fabrication.

 

Out of the corner of his eyes, though, Jim catches the sight of what could be a huge fridge, one of those models with two doors and a bazillion of fancy functions. Oswald is still going on about the noises in his head, and Jim tells himself he’ll just disappear for a moment, and the gangster won’t even notice. He looks at the back of Oswald’s head one last time before he enters the modern kitchen, and goes round the kitchen island to get to the stainless steel fridge.

 

This is it, he tells himself. Just a peek inside to reassure himself, and then he’ll go after Oswald.

 

When Jim opens the fridge door, his heart stops for a second. There, neatly aligned on three shelves, are his beloved pineapple coconut yogurts. _Cobblepot, you bastard!_

 

“What the hell are you doing, Jim?” Oswald asks calmly, watching Jim with his arms crossed. “I’m curious; did you think the intruders were hiding in the fridge?”

 

“I knew it!” Jim snarls. “I so fucking knew that you’re the yogurt thief.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cobblepot says, and he limps to the fridge and takes out a container, grimacing as he yanks the fridge door from Jim’s death grip and closes it.

 

Jim might have believed him, were it not for Cobblepot taking a spoon from a drawer, and then making a show of licking yogurt off the lid.

 

“Give me back my yogurt,” Jim growls, clenching his fists.

 

“Mmh,” Oswald moans as he tastes it, licking the spoon and then his lips. Jim swallows. “So heavenly.”

 

The detective’s blood is boiling. “Drop the spoon, Cobblepot.” He takes out his handcuffs for good measure. “I swear to god, I’m going to arrest you.”

 

“Seriously, Jim, you should have just asked and I would have shared it with you,” Oswald says, still eating the cursed dairy product. “But you have zero manners.”

 

“I’ll give you manners!” Jim threatens and goes to Oswald, pushing the gangster against the kitchen counter.

 

Jim’s been aware of Cobblepot’s crush on him, but he’s never taken advantage of it, especially not since the detective realised that the cause of his stomach fluttering around Oswald wasn’t disgust, but a dangerous attraction. He doesn’t care now, though, as he dives right in for a kiss, hoping to distract Oswald long enough to pry away the yogurt from his fingers.

 

Oswald is surprised, and Jim nicks the yogurt container easily, but then his tongue picks up on the pineapple and subtle coconut taste of Oswald’s lips and tongue, and he’s lost. Jim drops the container, so that he can cup Oswald’s face, and he tilts his head slightly in order to explore Oswald’s mouth more comfortably, the fingers of his left hand caressing the back of Oswald’s head, petting the smooth hair there.

 

It doesn’t escape Jim’s attention how tightly Oswald is gripping the back of his coat, or when the gangster pulls him closer. Jim feels like he’s floating, and the only thing keeping him grounded are Oswald’s hands on his hips, his touch hot even through Jim’s shirt. He doesn’t want this to end. Jim’s tongue is teasing and Oswald moans, the sound cancelling every thought in Jim’s head, and he thrusts forward, seeking friction against his maddening arousal.

 

Oswald breaks the kiss with a surprised gasp, his hot, fruity breath on Jim’s lips making the detective dizzy. The two men look at each other, embarrassment suddenly taking over both of them. With flushed cheeks, they quickly untangle from the other’s embrace, refusing to look each other in the eyes. Jim adjusts his suit jacket, knowing very well that it doesn’t hide his erection. Oswald doesn’t look much better either; he smooths his hair where Jim’s fingers were just moments ago.

 

“I’ll… I’ll go now,” Jim says, then clears his throat.

 

“Goodbye, Jim,” Oswald whispers and turns his back as the detective leaves.

 

Weeks go by, and Jim hasn’t heard from Oswald. Truth is that they’ve been avoiding each other, pretending that nothing happened. Jim isn’t sure if he could ever look into the gangster’s eyes again, not without remembering his embarrassing stunt in the kitchen. If Oswald hadn’t made that sound, Jim would have probably fucked him against the counter. He blushes just thinking about it.

 

Nevertheless, the world doesn’t let him forget so easily. A week after his visit to Oswald, Jim spots the damned pineapple coconut yogurt in Marco’s shop. He picks one up and inspects it, wondering whether he should buy it. In the end, he puts it back, knowing that it would just make him think about Oswald’s lips, and he’s already plagued enough by such thoughts at night, when he can’t help but recall the event while his hand sneaks inside his briefs.

 

One day on his way to work, Jim wonders if he should maybe contact Oswald. Come up with some pretext to visit him, just to see what he’s doing. But he knows how sensitive the gangster is, and Jim’s afraid his ‘lack of manners’ wouldn’t be forgiven so easily this time.

 

However, when Jim makes it to his desk, there’s a pineapple coconut yogurt waiting for him. He looks around, but no one’s paying him any attention. He then notices a small post-it note on the side of the cup.

 

_I have an excessive amount of yogurt in my fridge. Would you like to help me with it?_

 

Jim breaks out in a glorious smile at Oswald’s peace offering. He takes out his phone, and makes the call he should have done weeks ago.

 

He doesn’t care if he has to eat a whole fridge’s worth of yogurt if it means he can kiss Oswald again.

 


End file.
